Surprise, Surprise
by 07Merc-kun
Summary: Deidara isn't great at writing a paper, but he didn't think Hidan was either. How wrong he seemed to be.


_**Okay**,_ so I can't say this has much of a point to it but, ah whatever I was bored and working on another story about the two of them. I haven't posted it yet (_But rest assured I will, eventually_)

_**W**arnings: _There is OOCness in this. On two peoples parts, and it's AU. There's alot of Language, but other then that nothing bad at all.

**I **don't own Naruto and make no profit off of anything writen about them.

This story is dedicated to a girl by the alias: Surprise Surprise. I know, weird right?

* * *

_Surprise, surprise_

**I **never knew- and I don't think anyone would have guessed, that Hidan was so good at English. In fact he's smarter then he lets people believe. I learned this the hard way and suffered quite the embarrassment over the fact when he started to list off all the possible phrases and wordings that are wrong and could be fixed, given a little time.

But what I got out of the whole experience besides the obvious ridicule and embarrassment was well- a lot more then I expected. A friendship I never thought I could have and respect for Hidan that my god you can't blame me for not having before, the way he acts. Along with all this I find that even though he is a dirty fucking prick- he's the most understanding guy I've ever fucking met.

You might be lost now, So-Here, let me back track.

I, Deidara- am not so great at writing papers. Yes I am a great artist and yes I am extremely intelligent (I know what you are thinking ,so-let me gloat, damn it) but when it comes to taking my thoughts to paper it comes as some what of a difficult task when concerning well- subjects I'm none too keen of. Like for instance, my opinion of the politics, for explaining how I feel about a certain article. Papers are _not_ my strong point. And I had to write one for a college class.

_Hurray._

(Did you get the sarcasm there?)

So, while sitting in my room pulling at my blond hair, rumpling my grey pajama pants, fidgeting with my pencils in a frustrated manner I stared dead-on at the chicken scratch on the paper before me. Help on this subject wasn't what I needed I had all my thoughts written out in different segments over several pieces of paper on the subject I am to be writing about. I managed to put it all together but knowing me something was wrong with it- and well- I needed someone to edit what I'd just written.

In the middle of writing my second page it began to bother me that I couldn't spell the word 'necessary' right. I erased it like twenty fucking times and the bitch just didn't look_ right_. Of course I went in search for help on the matter why the hell not?

I am not afraid of asking for help- it does wound pride a bit asking- but past that I'm alright with it.

I'm not Itachi. I am not hell-bent on doing things my way by myself all the fucking time. I do not think I am flawless and all mighty and damn it- I am not girly looking!

There I said it. And I digress; back to my story.

Sitting up on my bed I stared, angry, frustrated and well bothered with this paper in my hands. Flipping between two front and back filled pages of my half-finished report I gave in to the temptation to asking Sasori, or maybe Kakuzu for help on this; someone anyone to help me make these words flow correctly across this stark white lined paper with my neat, small writing scribbled from one end to the other- not minding the margins.

Scoffing softly I get to my feet with a start, the pencils that were on my bed falling off with the shift of weight. Turning sharply I start my walk out of my room and down the hallway where I run into Kisame standing outside Itachi's room yelling at the door. I hardly hear what he says and make a face at him when he looks at me, rather funny might I add.

It's not that me coming out of my room is strange, because I usually am out and about but- it's as of late I've been biting peoples heads off that approach my room, open my door, or so much as speak to me. Hey, hey, I _need _to finish this damn paper and distractions are not welcome. _Not_ welcome.

Sticking my tongue out at the fishy man I round the corner and take the stairs to the first floor of this two story house I share with not four, not five but seven people- not including Pein and Konan because they're never here anyways.

I happily by-pass Tobi who is standing on the landing of the stairs playing with god knows what, and continue my search for someone. First on that list:

_Sasori_

Walking across the living area I find my red-headed room mate sitting quietly reading a book that's thick and obviously more then five-hundred pages long. In my short journey I stop in front of him a grin playing along my face as I say in the sweetest voice I can muster- mine being kind of deep- "Sasori-danna? You mind helping me with something?" I bat my eyelashes to put emphasis on the begging part of this whole deal as he looks at me.

Coppery eyes linger over the top of half-cut reading glasses and for a moment I think he's going to help me.

He's going to say yes, right_? Right?_

Wrong.

"No, Brat, go find someone else and, Put on a shirt." His eyes return to the book almost as quickly as they moved up to look at me. I groan, I had to! What more of a noise could I make to get his attention again- and I am not putting on a fucking shirt, not now that I'm down the stairs. (This comes off as lazy I realize- and don't care)

"But- But, Sasori-danna I need someone to help me fix this so it's not completely atrocious when I turn it in, hmm." Here I am getting angry making a face at his obviously calm one, and he's ignoring me as he flips a page in his large overly-long book on a subject I don't care about. It must contain something of importance if he is even reading it in the first place.

He doesn't even notice my face as I press my lips together to form a strait line of disappointment. He retorts to me, without looking up "Go find Kakuzu or something." And under his breath mutters more about me being a brat and annoying.

I can't help myself; I flip him off, give him the one finger salute and stalk off in another direction.

"Fine, hmm." I growl out my fingers crinkling the two pieces of paper I am holding as I go down the short hallway and make a turn.

Next, Kakuzu.

I stop when realizing I have no freaking clue where that stitched up bastard is.

"Tobi?" I ask slowly coming back to the stairs where he is sitting.

"Eh? Deidara?" He's so consumed in what he's doing he's hardly paying attention—jack ass. "You know where Kakuzu-san is?" A long pause followed my words and I held my breath trying not to lose my temper as the boy thought about this.

"In the dinning room"

Well, Shit.

"Thanks, Tobi." And I was off again in a hurry no less, to find Kakuzu and enter the dinning area with haste. "Kakuzu!" I cry happy to see him, and it shows seeing as I am grinning like a mad man. I hold both papers out to him and swallow- as much as I hate to admit this Kakuzu is one scary son of a- "What do you want, Deidara?" I blink.

Oh, right I haven't said anything.

"Want to help me edit all the mistakes out of this?" I wave the papers around in front of him and let my grin slowly fade into a smile, waiting.

"No, I won't but Hidan will be happy too." Kakuzu purses he seems pleased with this response.

"What?!" There was no room for arguing, Kakuzu was giving me a fixed expression. "That idiot couldn't spell the word 'sit' without assistance and you are telling me to let him correct this?"

A pause, and I could swear I saw heard him snicker- or maybe that's just me.

"Yes. You got to give him more credit then that. He's in the kitchen just ask him." And then the greedy bastard was gone.

I regret not carrying money with me because at this point I would have bribed him for assistance. Sighing defeated I felt my pride deflate as I took those few steps into the kitchen where he was standing reading directions to some recipe to make us all dinner.

What a _trooper._

And here I have nothing to loose since Kakuzu and Sasori won't help me, and I'd be damned to ask that pretty boy Itachi or Kisame his fish-fucking bitch. (I know bitter and mean but what can I say? They so deserve it after trying to set my hair on fire and calling me a girl on many occasions.) I didn't want to approach Zetsu for help he'd eat the paper and Tobi well…You can understand my reasoning for Tobi I mean he's just- so _distracted._

Sucking in a deep breath I stand there listening to him mutter curse words to himself and at the book. "Hidan" He didn't hear me I don't think so I repeat myself. "…Hidan..." More silence from his as he curses loudly at the words they are using to explain that you needed to stir the butter into the flower.

"Hidan!" That got his attention. While my patience really is running thin I manage to smirk at him as he jumps and spins around.

"What, Deidara, what the fuck do you want?!" He heaves glaring at me for good measure. "Can you read this over for me and correct any mistakes you find?"

I find I am holding my breath as he stares at me dubiously.

"You're kidding." Hidan piped and ah-there it was that unruly expression that lets everyone know he's pissed. I can't help myself however, and grin like I just won a game. "Nope" He seems to be thinking this over- maybe I shouldn't of asked.

"What's wrong? Is it too big of a task for that brain of yours?" Wow, I must have hit a cord.

Hidan's face went from pale to red in seconds as he snatched the papers from my hands and glared hard at me, making me inch back a few steps. When it dawned on me I was doing this I halted.

I got this far I am not backing out now!

Licking his lips he takes a moment to, what I assume was, skim-read the two papers before sighing and rubbing his head with two fingers obviously thinking about what he had to say. "Deidara, first off you don't need an ellipsis here." He started looking up at me.

"Got a pen?" I stare at him dumbly at first then quickly ram-sack my body for a pen and finding one in my hair I hand it over. _Yes_ I stick pencils and pens in my pony tail sometimes, you see someone always needs one.

As he started to go through it more carefully people started coming into the kitchen to see what he was going to make, all the while sticking around for the long list of things I could fix as they mulled around.

"..And this is- is that supposed to be describing how you feel? It's a fucking verb, not an adjective. Change it." He murmured crossing out a word.

I never realized how cold it was in the kitchen, and now that goose bumps started to cover my bare upper-body I resent not getting a shirt like Sasori suggested earlier.

Speak of the devil.

Sasori came into the kitchen that moment, and paused watching me shift from foot to foot as Hidan spoke not looking at me. He hunched over the counter with the papers pressed firmly onto them the pen in hand. A smirked formed on Sasori's lips and I- catching glimpse- sneered at him. People just _had_ to come in when this was happening didn't they?

Ah, Itachi how I _loathe_ him sometimes. Itachi joined the three that were in the kitchen now.

They all sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen pretending to be talking among them when in reality I knew what they were doing they were bathing in my embarrassment.

"And your thesis needs a little work. Try something more along the lines of what this stupid fucking paper is supposed to be about, list three things, topics, or whatever- or more while all but making someone hooked on reading it. Make a fucking _statement_ I know you can." Hidan ground out scribbling more notes. And he was far from finished.

It went along the lines of:

"Don't run a sentence on when you don't need to."

"Don't elaborate on the subject here! Fucker its call leading them _on_! Which you are pretty good at so there isn't an excuse for this, Blondie."

"This-I hate these fucking things, these what? Semi colons? There are useless just use a comma. They are only for fuckers that don't know how to get to there point and are used for pretty much the same thing."

"What the Fuck is that? It just jumps to the next subject! Flow, flow, flow_, Flow_ Deidara- do you not know what that means?!"

I can feel my face heating up in a flush as the snickering behind me became obvious.

Ah, but he wasn't finished.

"A paragraph is five to eight words, Deidara. Not four! You're in college for crying out loud!"

"What?" He made this incredulously pained expression. "You can't spell the word Necessary? Deidara…" He was shaking his head then spelling out loud for me the word.

"N-e-c-e-s-s-a-r-y" He puffed his brow crinkled. I wanted to hit him at this point when I heard Itachi snort and choke on the orange juice he was drinking.

Scribbling more things he made a few noises seeming to keep his comments to himself for the moment finishing off the paper with a long explanation on how to use the past participle.

"What?" I asked suddenly staring at him.

"Past participle, Deidara…." He looked from the paper to me his expression rather curious and, well amused looking as mine must have made me look like an unintelligent idiot. He went on to explain then what it was.

"Participle expressing action in past, a participle that expresses past time or a completed action. It is used with auxiliaries to form perfect tenses in the active voice and all tenses in the passive voice. In the sentence "I waited until he had rung the bell," the past participle is "rung." See what I'm saying?"

I nod numbly as he handed the two papers back to me and my blue eyes gaze at them. There were marks _everywhere_. And here I won't lie I felt like crying for being such a blasted idiot with writing. I wasn't too happy about not being able to write it but being ridiculed in front of Sasori, Itachi and who was that Kakuzu? Oh, I wanted to die.

I recall muttering my sorrowful thanks to him and quietly making my way out of the kitchen with a less-then-pleased look about me making my way to the stairs and up them. The zealot just stood there.

I'm not sure but, I think Hidan was confused that or realized why I was so bummed out because I heard his voice from the landing as I made way to the stairs. Tobi paused when I got half-way to the top and remarked rather curiously I might add that Hidan sounded like a 'Banshee from hell' and acquired what I'd done to get him like that.

Shrugging to the masked boy I forced a grin and went up the stairs. Returning to my room I made myself comfortable on my bed and worked on that paper going by what Hidan wrote for me on it rather impressed with now neat he wrote and all, seeing as he enjoys cutting himself and yelling in high-pitched voices at people.

While sitting in my bedroom I came to one conclusion and one only that asking Hidan for English advice was by all means out of the question from now on unless I was alone somewhere away from everyone.

You can only take so much of the ridicule before you get tired of hearing it and having people laughing at you about it wasn't any better.

Alas, that was a few days ago- and ever since then I've been sitting here quietly in my room avoiding Itachi and Kakuzu who won't let it go that I couldn't spell the word 'Necessary' for the life of me and then I've been tip-toeing around Sasori for fear of him bringing up the past participle comments again.

'_Fuck them'_ I say.

Like I said before, Hidan is one smart son of a bitch and how he ever managed to retain that much knowledge about the English language was beyond me. It's a surprise and I think he impressed those three snickering fools with his brain power as well because the lewd comments about him being a brainless idiot seemed to diminish somewhat. He didn't seem to mind, or daunted by how they acted before and didn't care that they changed there motive for insults to something more- well true. He was a zealot after all and his religion was ridiculous.

So here I am sitting in my room a few days after that incident in the kitchen. I haven't left it in those few days, either. Too ashamed and upset and angry to face everyone about it I didn't want the questions or the teasing. One can understand this, since I have my pride and my ego and both were being picked at and shattered. I am a man damn it! But not an invincible one, I can't take that much derision; I am not Hidan, who seems to take that kind of stuff rather well most of the time. Tobi has been bringing me my food, and he never stays long, seeing as I glare at him when he so much as comments on my absences. That or he'll say something about cleaning myself up or he'd say something about the clay on my fingers and all around the room. The burnt spots on the floor where I made them explode in anger and frustration.

Today was no exception it was nearing that time again, the time where I got food brought to me by that bouncy idiot who knows better then to stay long. He knocked on the door and I scoffed making a face.

"It's open."

The bastard didn't however, open the door. He knocked again.

"Damn it, I said it was open." I got up stomped over to the door and swung it open growling but stopping myself rather quickly when I was staring at the collar bone of well- Hidan. (Yes the guy is taller then me.)

He stood with two plates in his hands giving me a dirty look.

"Are you going to let me in or what?" He snapped getting my attention. Damn my wandering mind.

Stepping aside I allow him to enter and slam the door closed to make like I wasn't being lulled into a calmer state of mind, because I was still pissed- overly so. He looked around and put the plates on my bed with forks staring at the curry he'd made more then likely then staring up at me with a confused expression.

"What?" I ask sitting down on my bed slowly, picking up the plate of food gingerly.

Again I am faced with an awkward silence that won't go away until finally; I get fed up with it.

That doesn't take much, if you were wondering.

"Damn it Hidan, I don't like to be stared at. I know I look like shit I know it's a bloody fucking mess in here- I know! Hmm!." I snap the plate leaves my hands to rest on the bed again. "So what the fuck do you want, and why are you staring at me!" I demand out of him stomping my foot after I stand up.

"Sorry." He blurted flatly his eyes meeting mine. Talk about clashing.

I felt like an idiot and more then likely looked like one.

"What?"

He huffed crossing his arms, "I said I was fucking Sorry, okay?" I lean to the left slightly staring off.

"For what?" That sounded pathetic, I sounded weak like an emotional wreck, which I was. I went from being pissed to sad to confused to angry to now confused and ready to cry. (I don't care what anyone says they are NOT mood swings alright?!)

"What do you mean 'For what?!' for, I don't know, making you ..like this?!" He yelled throwing his hands up his eyes glaring at me.

I felt my chin quiver as anger came back to me from his tone eyes narrowing. I will not cry I am _a man_ for crying out loud! "Like what?! Huh? Like a fucking stupid little bitch who can't take people making fun of him?! Hmm?! For being completely blinded by rage because you fucking derided me in front of three people who now won't let anything go?!" I was breathing deeply fists balled up to my sides eyes narrowed at his surprised expression.

Wasn't expecting that, was he?

I wasn't expecting that either, I admit. Yelling at Hidan won't solve my self-issue. But damn it, it was half his fault this was happening anyways. I have every right to be angry!

He stepped forward then, and to my shock reached a hand out and pushed something off my cheek. "Deidara, no need to cry, shit." I was crying? Son of a batch of cookies.

His hand continued to remove the liquid from my face until he was fairly satisfied with the work done, stepping back to stare at me.

"If it hurts your feelings that fucking much then I won't help you again." I blink.

"What?" Sniffling I make a face and curse as I sit back down. He did the same, sitting on my bed crossing his legs as he sat there taking in my expression.

"You heard me." He said firmly looking at his plate. Had nothing to say to him and sighed playing with my food a little. I felt like a loser.

I mean, you know how it feels- crying in front of someone who you know shouldn't see your tears. I mean shit, I am a man! I can get into fights break bones, smash peoples faces in but I can't take some insults? In fact I've taken far worse insults that this! Pathetic, seriously, but writing is a touchy subject for me!

He couldn't possibly understand this, or maybe he could. (He does seem to be the subject of bashing a lot)

We both finish our food rather quickly and I move the plates to the floor to sit in silence with Hidan for a while. After what seemed like forever though, he cleared his throat earning my attention.

Remember when I said Hidan was a good friend? And unlikely one you'd think but a good one? Well here's why.

He reached over to me and by god I didn't understand him and he hugged me, tightly might I add. He wasn't good at comforting people but he made the effort even though I was being a fucking jack ass to everyone, and he came to apologize for being a prick.

One wouldn't think would they?

"Well, fucking hug me back, you jerk." He rebuffed and I did so, not that it wasn't weird being hugged by someone who enjoyed stabbing himself and other people. I think I needed it though, and how Hidan managed to see that I don't know.

"There." He said quickly shoving me away from him and standing. "You need to shower." He grumbled and I watched him, saying before he left a thank you.

He just snorted at me and shrugged staring as I stood and our eyes met. "It's the only one you are going to get, so…" He stiffened when I grabbed him in a tighter hug.

He didn't hug back, so I repeated the words he said to be just seconds ago:

"Fucking hug me back, Jerk!" Of course not exactly but it made him laugh and he did so. I smiled, feeling better already.

"You're such a fucking girl." He reprimand when I eased away and got him the plates from the ground. "And you're a fucker for embarrassing me like that, but I think I can forgive you." He stared in disbelief.

I couldn't help it, I smirked as I handed him the plates and hit his back hard to get him to go out the door. "Leave so I can clean up my room…." I growl out making his sneer in response.

"Yeah whatever, just…" He paused, "Don't do that again, okay? It's fucking boring as hell watching those stingy bastards sit there engrossed in nothing." I couldn't help myself the smile on my face turned into a grin willed with mirth. He suspected something but the moment was too perfect! Can't pass up a good moment, can I?

"Aw missed me?"

I grin mischievously and grab his hand pulling him back into the room. Grabbing a bottle of paint hastily I opened it and…

"What the fuck?!" He yelled at me as I rubbed paint onto his face and into his hair. It was water color- it'd come out alright. I am all the while laughing at him taking off towards the door, flinging it open. "Oh, Hidan-san, hmm I need to shower!" And I take off down the hallway skidding to a halt at the bathroom. He was hot on my heels painted and all.

"Deidara! Don't you dare go into that bathroom!" He hit the door just as I was about to close it pushing it open.

"Hey!" I yelled at him kicking at his legs playfully trying to get him to go away.

"No, I'm showering now, punk! You want to you can either wait or go with me." He grumbled both of us fighting for the use of the shower as I pushed on him to get him out of the bathroom.

"No way am I waiting, and I'm not _Gay_, Hidan!" I yelled pushing a palm into his face the mouth there deciding to open and lick his cheek.

(Yeah, I have mouths on my hands. So my absent of saying anything about them before is obvious but hey! That wasn't important until now! Granted I get called a heck of a lot of names for them in school…)

"Oh? You're hand seems to disagree!" Hidan snapped managing to get me at the door somehow.

"Come on! I've not showered in a week!" I whine narrowing my eyes at him to glare. He is unfazed and now I have to say it's irritating to know glaring doesn't work on him. I wish it did sometimes, I so did.

We ended up showering together- I wasn't happy about this, but he seemed fine with it singing loudly until I couldn't take it anymore. I must say he left with several welts on his back that I am proud were left there.

He is a great friend to have when you need one, really he is but man he can be a prick. He understood how I felt and had enough balls to come and comfort me in the most stupid of ways possible. I think I found my respect for him then, and now that he has that respect he won't lose much of it. We understand each other pretty well, however when it comes to my art and his Religion we both can agree to disagree. Though if it means anything I've never approached the guy with the intent of having him help me with a paper ever again in the open, but I did manage to get past the whole 'past participle' joke with a little literary help from him. I realized in this week in a half how much I really do like Hidan for what it's worth (Not something I'd ever admit to out loud, however.) And as I am thinking on it, I might just go in there and give him a piece of my mind, art, body, soul and…

. . .

Naw, He's not my type.


End file.
